Feeling quite miserable.
My colleague left on Friday. She was terminated. I don't know whether i should be happy for her or feel sad not for her but for me.

For happy: she is freed. Everybody is happy for her for that fact. After all, she was "tortured" badly for almost a month.

For sad: i always feel that we are "acting as one". We are doing the same work. We entered the Co almost the same time. The fact that she left leaves me a big mental stress. Cos i always tell myself, she is even stressed up than me and she can do it. Why can't i. Lately, i lost the motivation not because of her but her leaving has added on to it.

I told dear. Everything. I cried while talking to him, while walking to work, whenever i feel miserable. But there is just one place i won't cry- In front of people. Always putting a strong front while i am always feeling very bad.

I am already at my limit since end of Feb. Her presence makes me move on until now.
Now, i hardly have the strength to move. My pillar of support is gone.

I ever thought of doing terrible things to myself. Darling scolded me for that. But i am really depressed. To a point that dear thinks i might have depression. I sometimes do feel that too ever since that thing happened last year(not work related though). Perhaps, i am unable to handle stress. Too much will result in depression??

Now there something as stressful as this appear. I wonder my mental can hold on for how long before i break down eventually.

Despite the fact that there will be a re shuffling of work duties this coming monday, i am not fond of it. I somehow have given up this job. I doubt how long i will hold on doing OT every single day except sat and sun. To a point, doing OT will be fine if i am being paid. But on the other hand, i wanted to further my studies. I told that i wanted to in 2 years time. But i doubt i really doubt, 2 years later another reshuffling happened, i might not be able to cope again... OT... no need to study le.

Plus, this job might not be related to my dream job. After analyzing work load not equal to salary. No free time to go study and other things. I am really tired.

I might not know what i want to do next. But i know i would not want something so stressful anymore. I want free time. I want leisure.

Last friday, i almost do it. I almost breakdown. I sort of gave up in everything. I don't care about the report. I ignore all mails. I feel the surrounding is all work. STRESS

ST environment suits me better. Perhaps i should look for similar or even go back huh?
Already started to look for other opportunities.

I can't live my life this way. I will kill myself one day.
I need to run away. Escape at all means.
I don't need reshuffle. It will end up the same. After all, will reshuffle again.
My mental health is not that great to continue with this.

Labels: All my nonsense

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Feeling quite miserable.
My colleague left on Friday. She was terminated. I don't know whether i should be happy for her or feel sad not for her but for me.

For happy: she is freed. Everybody is happy for her for that fact. After all, she was "tortured" badly for almost a month.

For sad: i always feel that we are "acting as one". We are doing the same work. We entered the Co almost the same time. The fact that she left leaves me a big mental stress. Cos i always tell myself, she is even stressed up than me and she can do it. Why can't i. Lately, i lost the motivation not because of her but her leaving has added on to it.

I told dear. Everything. I cried while talking to him, while walking to work, whenever i feel miserable. But there is just one place i won't cry- In front of people. Always putting a strong front while i am always feeling very bad.

I am already at my limit since end of Feb. Her presence makes me move on until now.
Now, i hardly have the strength to move. My pillar of support is gone.

I ever thought of doing terrible things to myself. Darling scolded me for that. But i am really depressed. To a point that dear thinks i might have depression. I sometimes do feel that too ever since that thing happened last year(not work related though). Perhaps, i am unable to handle stress. Too much will result in depression??

Now there something as stressful as this appear. I wonder my mental can hold on for how long before i break down eventually.

Despite the fact that there will be a re shuffling of work duties this coming monday, i am not fond of it. I somehow have given up this job. I doubt how long i will hold on doing OT every single day except sat and sun. To a point, doing OT will be fine if i am being paid. But on the other hand, i wanted to further my studies. I told that i wanted to in 2 years time. But i doubt i really doubt, 2 years later another reshuffling happened, i might not be able to cope again... OT... no need to study le.

Plus, this job might not be related to my dream job. After analyzing work load not equal to salary. No free time to go study and other things. I am really tired.

I might not know what i want to do next. But i know i would not want something so stressful anymore. I want free time. I want leisure.

Last friday, i almost do it. I almost breakdown. I sort of gave up in everything. I don't care about the report. I ignore all mails. I feel the surrounding is all work. STRESS

ST environment suits me better. Perhaps i should look for similar or even go back huh?
Already started to look for other opportunities.

I can't live my life this way. I will kill myself one day.
I need to run away. Escape at all means.
I don't need reshuffle. It will end up the same. After all, will reshuffle again.
My mental health is not that great to continue with this.

Labels: All my nonsense

add more notes

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I have been blogging since 2008. Blogskin.com introduced me into blogger world. My blog layout started with a white and simple skin then I keep tried asking those cyber friend about How To Make A Skin but no one telling nor answering me till I tried for asking them =.=! Then I try my best for making but I failed for doing it. I was so freaking hopeless and sad till one of my best friend cheer me up and support me with making a skin. Finally I know how to made my own skin with different codings which related at blogskins.com.



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